You Know the Honeymoon is Over When The Comedians Start Making Jokes Such As These
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonalds' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon
Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterma
JACK WEBB AND OBAMA
P 311 a Dangerous New Element.
Discovery Announcement ~ The densest element in the known Universe has been found!
Pelosium:
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest
element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 223 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol of Pelosium is PU.
Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
VICTORIA JACKSON SINGS "THERE IS A COMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE"
EVEN JON STEWART RIPS OBAMA'S BROKEN PROMISES
SENATE UNVEILS COMPROMISE
by Andy Borowitz
The United States Senate today unveiled details of its healthcare plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare.
Under CompromiseCare, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their plans.
Medicare will be extended to 55-years-olds as soon as they turn 65.
You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.
You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is "Lieberman."
You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.
JACKIE MASON - THE ULTIMATE JEW
RAY STEVENS - WE THE PEOPLE
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